Bunnies

Okay, SFF I didnt lose yesterday, I actually gained 4/10ths of a pound.   Am I happy?  - hell no?  Am I quitting? - hell NO!   I have survived the period from hell and maybe now I will have a little more energy to stay on this.  Granted, I now have a cold, but I will live.   I was watching Intervention last night on TV, and one of the interventionist was saying the exact same thing that I was told, I took one addiction and traded it for another.   When I gave up drinking to help my husband, I took up eating bad again.   Mike didnt have that issue because he is not an addictive personality like I am.   He suggested to the lady she go and see someone and work out the issues behind the addiction, well I have done that, and I dont know if it helped.   It is a brutal world out there ladies.   We need an awesome goal.   We need to get on Oprah - I can see it now Oprah opening her show with a SFF cape blowing outside of Harpo.   “Today on Oprah - Sister Fat Fighters - an on line group of women - who found a way to kick the fat”   we could all go running on stage in our SFF outfits.   It would be great, we would be famous, fighting fat and crime all of the world…… oh to dream.   My mini goal for next week is two pounds.   I need to start dropping to get my motivation back on high.   Good luck ladies

Starting off with a personal question, I have had my period (heavy) for nine days now, should I go to the Dr?   I am usually a four or five day girl.   I really dont feal any different, but I also dont want to wait until I have to have a transfusion!    Help me ladies!  

Like Dieting and planning and trying to exercise and keep a positive attitude is not enough here comes crabass.   I swear that there are days that the world only revolves around him.   I love this man, but balls can he be selfish and just a big pain in the butt sometimes.   Well ladies of the fat fighting club, I did the Wii tonite.   Not for a million years but it is a start.   I did it for about 28 minutes, nothing that made me feel like I was tearing away the pounds but at least I moved and did what I said I was going to do.   I am also happy to say that I have been drinking more water.   Not what I am suppose to be, but I am sneaking up on it.  

Last night on the Biggest Loser, I really had mixed emotions.   No, I did not want to see Daniel go home, no I didnt want to see the old man go home, but when Bob freaked on whats her name, I was a little surprised.   I really dont know if I could do what they are asking them to do so soon in the “game”.    I heard them say that they worked out eight hours a day.   Now I know why they lose so much weight.   Plus did you see the house the “naughty girl’s” friend lived in?   She looks like she might have had some cash already.   I think that if I had the money, I would hire someone to help me.   I would obligate myself monetarily to a coach.   I do like this girls spirit.   I wonder if she will get back on.   She was dancing around the house and stuff, but I hope she is doing more.   I was not so happy with Daniel’s buddy.  I want them to both do well and they both need this, I hope he tries.   Balls, If I ain’t the pot calling the kettle black!     I was also surprised when I watch Oprah the other day when she talked about her weight again.   I was even more surprised the see the winner of season three on there again and all the weight he put back on.  I was sure if any of the would keep it off it would have been him.   Okay now I am going to go into my feelings about this journey.  

YOU CAN change all you want on the OUTSIDE, but if the inside is still messed up, the weight will come back.   I have been there and done it Sisters.  I still do not know why I eat the way I do, why I feel food is the best comfort.   After my Dad died, I went and saw a therapist for a while and her and I discussed this alot.   Whatever is hurt or scares us on the inside is what is calling the food to us.   When I am upset or mad, sure grabbing comfort food and sitting on the couch moves me into this almost hypnotic place that calms the pain, but it doesnt help me.   I find that when I start a binge, the first thought into my head is not “big deal it was five crackers” it is that punishing voice that says “Way to go, now you messed up again, so you might as well eat what you want and finish the pig out”  What we all NEED to say is “WAIT, STOP!  Why am I doing this?”   We have to stop telling ourselves that what we ate is wrong, but really find out why we ate it!   Does this make sense?    In a nutshell I am saying before we even put a bunch of food in our face, we have already somewhere decided that we need comfort”   If we can turn that need somewhere else, we might have an easier go at this.   Okay?   Okay.   I think…….    Okay Sister Fat Fighters, we can do this, I am really trying and I hope you are too.   We need an emblem, we need capes!    Go SFF

Well, it looks like I was a good girl this week.  Granted there were a few M & M’s (counted them) and maybe a slip that I didnt count but I am happy.   I have lost most of what I gained back and now have to set a new mini goal for me and a mid goal.   I have decided that I personally have to take it in baby steps in order not to hose up.   If I make it to big and I dont make it, for some reason it really bums me out.   So my mini goal for next week is 2 pounds.   My mid goal is five pounds by January 27th.    I am really going to try hard tonite to get my butt downstairs and do the Wii again.   Right now it is -9 degrees outside so I wont be walking.  Thank you again ladies for getting me motivated again.   You might not think you did anything, but you were always in the back of my mind!.  

Well I was all ready to go to WW today and see if I lost anything.  I did good at the casino buffet and thought maybe I would see a loss, but Sammie threw up.   Mind you not in the toilet but all over her bed and comforter.   So her and Mommy stayed home.   She was fine after the big bed barf and wanted ice cream!    So I am planning on trying to hit a meeting tomorrow.  The thing is, and I am not making excuses, but I have had my period for over a week now.  I never have it this long and this bad.   I mean I am really crampy and bloaty and having a heck of a time with it.    I dont want to quit so I am still planning on doing this.   I will  blog tomorrow and let you know the scoop.  

Hello Chickies, we did the big family outing at Pizza Hut tonite and I am as proud as proud to say that I did not eat one dang bite of pizza!   On a stomach ache note though, I did have a Fiber One bar after work and then ate two big bowls of salad and I am not a happy camper.   It ain’t pretty sisters!   I hate when you go to the salad bar and your not able to count.   I know I was okay because I had 15 points to spend and even though I had about ten croutons and the dressing I am still under.   I asked the waitress if they had light or fat free dressing and she said “Ahhh maybe the white stuff” and left.   Well there were three “white stuffs” on the salad bar.   I only could tell that one was blue cheese.   So I did just a little of each. 

Tomorrow will be the next challenge.  If I can get by Saturday dinner and if my TOM decides to go away I think I will see a loss.  I hope I will see a loss!  

Today I ate:

Two packs of Oatmeal     6 points

WW meal               6 points

Bread                     1

Fiber Bar             3 (maybe 2)

Salad bar

 I am feeling good about the good eating for the past few days.  I want to keep at it, but right now Mike has been really off at home.  Whenever things get like that, I get stressed.  I asked him a couple of times if things were okay and he says nothings wrong, but in a tone that is only reserved for those you want to kill.    Why cant we all be happy at once.   Speak of the devil, he just came in and yelled and dictated something to everyone and what happens?   I feel bad and panicky.   Sometimes I wonder why I care so much about what he thinks.  I mean I love him, but when he is in a bad mood, tired, put out, the world stops.   I wonder if that is part of my insecurity.   I am sure it is.   It would just be nice to know that I am as important to him as he is to me sometimes.    Wow, my mood slid in the last few sentences, since crabby emerged from our room.   Dang.    Well Fight the Fat Sisters, this weekend is do-able.   

So the weekend is coming up and it is a weekend of food.  Tonite we are going to Pizza Hut as a family.   My first grader won some awards at school for reading and they are for there.   She has been dying to use them.  I know that they have a salad bar there and I am going to make the best choices I can there.   I have friends that always eat the salad bar where ever we go, but they truly would be better off eating a hamburger and fries!   I swear some people dont think things thru.   Tonite, I plan on healthy salad and lots of it and if I am still hungry I will have one piece of cheese pizza and then go sit in the car!    Then Saturday night we are going to the Casino with our freinds and then eating at their buffet.   They have a huge salad bar and I know they have some semi healthy food.   I just need to stay away from the desserts - all three hundred of them.   It is funny how I want that dang food but when I am done eating it, I feel like crap and usually it was never as good as I really thought it would be.   I am going to try to live by the motto “If I cant hear angels sing when I see the stuff, it isnt good enough to mess up for”   Sunday will be our down day and hopefully my day to plan a menu.   I really believe this is a SUPER IMPORTANT thing to do.   Did anyone catch Oprah when she came out about her weight.   She also said menu planning was major.   I havent started exercising, I dont know why, I have a thousand excuses.  I am trying to take more baby steps towards it.   Keep your fingers crossed and remember sisters FIGHT THE FAT.  

First and formost my buddy Jen hit her mini goal.  She is a woman on a mission and I am really proud of her.   Today I noticed a few things on my blog, like my tracker is gone!   Hello, I work on computers all dang day but this thing is throwing me for a loop.   I dont know how to get it back on and I also have a heck of a time uploading pictures!     Any clues?

 I did okay on points again today and I just need to keep trying.   I know how I felt when I was losing before and it was almost this odd euforic feeling - why dont I want that back?   I think alot of this whole process would be easier if I felt less stressed out and more confident within.  I know that is basic logic, but I still am not getting a grip on it yet.   This weekend might be a challenge for me because we are going out to dinner with our friends Angie and Jason.  I am really going to try to be a good girl.   I think that your mind plays tricks on you when you are dieting.  I almost think that I dont feel like I am losing or doing a good enough job if I dont feel like I am starving!   Dumb or what!   Hopefully when I weigh in Monday I will see a few pounds gone and by then my TOM from hell will be over.   It seems like this is getting worse as I get older.   Great, another thing to look forward too!   Sisters I am trying.   I dont want to fail, I want us all to lose this horrible curse we have.   I just got a new buddy that talked about having a stroke due to her weight, I just felt like bawling.   I am so afraid of something like that, I give her credit, she is working the old diet now like a pro and has the motivation in the right place.  Maybe she will give me the kick to keep me going too.   Fight the Fat Sisters, Fight the Fat.  

I just read a blog where the blogger was called fat on her wedding day by a bunch of drunk morons, and I felt like crying.   I am so sick and tired of people deciding that it is totally okay to do that kind of crap just because of your weight.  I too went thru something similiar to this when M and I were checking into a hotel on our anniversary (late at night) and the bride and groom were right in front of us and he was loaded like the hillbilly moron he was and he looks at M and says ” I jusssh got marrrriedddd…..” and then looks at me and says to Mike “Looks like you got a fat one”  I was so embarressed.  M ignored it, but I knew he heard it.  I wanted to punch this drunk puke.  I cried all night and needless to say that I was mad at M.  Why???? cause I had to be mad at someone and since I didnt have the guts to tell that guys he was a dink, I took it out on M.   I know the wrong thing, but that is how it happened.   I guess I wanted Mike to knock him out or defend me somehow, but really what would that have done, landed him in jail?    So now I am on day two of the diet and it seems to be going okay.   I have been counting points, drinking water and just taking it one step at a time.   I am still so mad at what this girl went thru.   You guys tell me, do we just let this kind of stuff happen because it is “our fault” or when do we start standing up for ourselves!  

Well I went back to WW after being gone for three weeks.   I gained some back, not as much as I thought but I did gain.   My neighbor, who is a good friend of mine, Angie, and I have decided that we are going to stop messing around.  Yes, I said this a thousand times, but hey if I keep doing it a thousand more times and lose some gain, little I will get there.   Angie’s brother is a trainer (he is a Kanesialogist. which I totally spelled wrong) anyway it is a fancier name for a excelled trainer.  Anyway he is a firm believer that it is truly not what we put in it is how much we put out.   So, Ang and I are going to do the Wii three times a week and then the other days I am hopefully going to get my butt to the school and start walking. 

I of course do not have my meals mapped out for tomorrow, Mike and I play darts for a bar league on Monday nights, (our big night out) and we just got home.   I will try to throw some stuff together.   The dreaded brownies I made are gone, thank God, and Mike polished off the ice cream last night.  

I know I can lose weight, it just takes the planning and I need to get on that.   I am also going to try more water again.  Why do I hate the stuff!   When it really comes down to it, we all know what we are doing wrong and what we need to do to make it work.   I need to stop hiding behind my self and try all over again.    So I think that my mental kick in the pants is happening again.  So, join me girlfriends.  WE can do this.  One dang day at a time.   Commit to something and lets get a team that sticks to our commitments.  I would join a weight loss team, but I get to hosed up in the online streaming and it is a hassle.  If anyone wants to commit to something, lets here it by tomorrow afternoon.  I am committing to the three days a week and I will drink three jugs of the H20 a day.     Got something to commit to me??????   Feel the power girlfriends, it is in there.   Special go girl to Jen!   Thanks for helping me find my power.